Nearly six weeks of sleep deprivation is catching up with me. Carina usually has one 4-5 hour stretch which is great but it is difficult not to ever get more than 4-5 hours of sleep at a time. I feel like I am about 50% less witty, fun to be around and intelligent when I haven't slept. We are getting pretty good at napping when Samantha naps but I never feel completely rested. As I am up bleary eyed in the middle of the night, at least I have the Beatles to keep me company. I'm always reciting these lines in my head, I may really be losing it...
I'm so tired, I haven't slept a wink
I'm so tired, my mind is on the blink
I wonder should I get up and fix myself a drink
No, no, no.
I'm so tired I don't know what to do
I'm so tired my mind is set on you
I wonder should I call you but I know what you would do
You'd say I'm putting you on
But it's no joke, it's doing me harm
You know I can't sleep, I can't stop my brain
You know it's three weeks, I'm going insane
You know I'd give you everything I've got
for a little peace of mind
I'm so tired, I'm feeling so upset
Although I'm so tired I'll have another cigarette
And curse Sir Walter Raleigh
He was such a stupid get.
You'd say I'm putting you on
But it's no joke, it's doing me harm
You know I can't sleep, I can't stop my brain
You know it's three weeks, I'm going insane
You know I'd give you everything I've got
for a little peace of mind
I'd give you everything I've got for a little peace of mind
I'd give you everything I've got for a little peace of mind
Daisy
Samantha's babies have been important to her for some time but since Carina's arrival, her favorite baby Daisy, has taken on a whole new importance in the family. Daisy needs to come everywhere we do and do everything that Carina does. That is why it was especially sweet that when our family friend Cheryl came to take family photos, Samantha got some time getting her picture taken with her prized possession Daisy.
Time Flies
Yesterday I spent Carina's one month birthday snuggled up with her for the day. Grammy had a special day with Samantha - they went swimming and out to lunch which Sammy absolutely loved. I got to nap the day away, take photos and just have some bonding with Carina which was a treat for me. Funny because having one baby seems so easy now - what was I so stressed out with when Samantha was tiny like this? I know they say that babies don't smile this early but with Carina I just don't buy it. She is melting our hearts with smiles all day long.You can see how big she is getting in the latest photos.
Jekyll and Hyde
I have mentioned that Samantha has been exceptionally kind and tender with Carina. She holds her hand, checks on her first thing when she wakes up, wants to help with diaper changes, sings her lullabies and says things like "Hey there little cutie" or "Hello Carina, I'm your big sister" and "We are best friends".
That is why it has been so difficult to handle and understand Samantha's tantrums that have begun to take place since Carina's arrival. Usually around bed time and lasting close to an hour, these are crazy, violent eruptions where our sweet daughter is barely recognizable. She screams and flails around, bangs herself into the door, hits and then screams so long that she comes close to vomiting.
As quickly as they come on, they also end abruptly which is almost equally as disturbing to me. She seems to understand more than a typical two year old and her screaming and thrashing will stop and she calmly will say "Mommy, I just really miss you right now, can you please come snuggle me".
I've been reading everything imaginable and every book explains that this behavior is completely normal but seriously?! I can't imagine that every child acts like this, it is too terrible. It is almost like she holds it all together 90% of the time that it is too much to handle for her. These tantrums on top of being sleep deprived have me feeling very anxious. Dave calls it her "Poltergeist" tantrums and I do live in fear that her head will start spinning and her next fit will start. That being said we have had two solid tantrum free days which has given me some faith that we may start to turn a corner.
That is why it has been so difficult to handle and understand Samantha's tantrums that have begun to take place since Carina's arrival. Usually around bed time and lasting close to an hour, these are crazy, violent eruptions where our sweet daughter is barely recognizable. She screams and flails around, bangs herself into the door, hits and then screams so long that she comes close to vomiting.
As quickly as they come on, they also end abruptly which is almost equally as disturbing to me. She seems to understand more than a typical two year old and her screaming and thrashing will stop and she calmly will say "Mommy, I just really miss you right now, can you please come snuggle me".
I've been reading everything imaginable and every book explains that this behavior is completely normal but seriously?! I can't imagine that every child acts like this, it is too terrible. It is almost like she holds it all together 90% of the time that it is too much to handle for her. These tantrums on top of being sleep deprived have me feeling very anxious. Dave calls it her "Poltergeist" tantrums and I do live in fear that her head will start spinning and her next fit will start. That being said we have had two solid tantrum free days which has given me some faith that we may start to turn a corner.
We're Here
I have tons to write but not much time to sit and get my words down. Carina continues to be a very mellow, good natured baby. She is a content baby and makes a lot of happy faces as you can see here in this photo Madeline took for her digital photo class for school.
I've been giving Dave's parents a hard time for asking me who I thought she looked like because when we pulled out Dave's baby book it is clear she is a mini Daddy! And, I've been seeing not just one but two cute dimples. My dad was concerned that he had never heard her cry, she rarely makes any fuss at all. I've been posting more photos here, more to come soon on some of of our other adjustments.
I've been giving Dave's parents a hard time for asking me who I thought she looked like because when we pulled out Dave's baby book it is clear she is a mini Daddy! And, I've been seeing not just one but two cute dimples. My dad was concerned that he had never heard her cry, she rarely makes any fuss at all. I've been posting more photos here, more to come soon on some of of our other adjustments.
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