Jekyll and Hyde

I have mentioned that Samantha has been exceptionally kind and tender with Carina. She holds her hand, checks on her first thing when she wakes up, wants to help with diaper changes, sings her lullabies and says things like "Hey there little cutie" or "Hello Carina, I'm your big sister" and "We are best friends".

That is why it has been so difficult to handle and understand Samantha's tantrums that have begun to take place since Carina's arrival. Usually around bed time and lasting close to an hour, these are crazy, violent eruptions where our sweet daughter is barely recognizable. She screams and flails around, bangs herself into the door, hits and then screams so long that she comes close to vomiting.

As quickly as they come on, they also end abruptly which is almost equally as disturbing to me. She seems to understand more than a typical two year old and her screaming and thrashing will stop and she calmly will say "Mommy, I just really miss you right now, can you please come snuggle me".

I've been reading everything imaginable and every book explains that this behavior is completely normal but seriously?! I can't imagine that every child acts like this, it is too terrible. It is almost like she holds it all together 90% of the time that it is too much to handle for her. These tantrums on top of being sleep deprived have me feeling very anxious. Dave calls it her "Poltergeist" tantrums and I do live in fear that her head will start spinning and her next fit will start. That being said we have had two solid tantrum free days which has given me some faith that we may start to turn a corner.

We're Here

I have tons to write but not much time to sit and get my words down. Carina continues to be a very mellow, good natured baby. She is a content baby and makes a lot of happy faces as you can see here in this photo Madeline took for her digital photo class for school.

I've been giving Dave's parents a hard time for asking me who I thought she looked like because when we pulled out Dave's baby book it is clear she is a mini Daddy! And, I've been seeing not just one but two cute dimples. My dad was concerned that he had never heard her cry, she rarely makes any fuss at all. I've been posting more photos here, more to come soon on some of of our other adjustments.

Dear Carina

I wanted to share this letter to Carina from her sweet father that he wrote for her baby book...

Dear Carina,

I was driving my car on Sunday, the day before you were born, when the Alpha Blondy song Masada came on my radio and I thought it would make a great topic for my letter to you.

I had a chance to visit Masada when I was younger. It is a place that has special meaning to me for many reasons. Over the years I have been able to recall my special associations with Masada to warm my heart, and I hope that you will have the same good fortune.

The first way Masada is special to me is that it reminds me of our heritage. It may be a story from a long, long time ago, but it is a story about a group of people that make up a piece of who you are, and it is important that you remember that. Every part of your heritage is important Carina. In fact, what is most important is that you always remember your collective heritage – all of your personal history. But, as your dad, it is my job to make sure that you always remember your Jewish background as part of that heritage.

The second way that Masada is special to me is its symbol of sacrifice. For me, a sacrifice is a difficult choice made out of love. At Masada, the people made the ultimate sacrifice based on their love for God and for their beliefs. As you grow and become your own person, I hope that you’ll be aware of the sacrifices and difficult choices that everyone, especially your mom and I, will make for you. Keep in mind that we make each of those sacrifices because we love you so very much, and carefully consider who and what you want to make your sacrifices for.

And, of course, the last way that Masada is special to me is as a reminder of music and joy. I was first introduced to Alpha Blondy and his song Masada when I was in college. The song was actually part of a mix cd that was on heavy rotation in my life at that time. It was a time when music and joy were plentiful, and the song will always remind me that celebration and happiness are just as important as heritage and sacrifice in making your life complete.

Carina, I am so excited to see what kind of person you will become in the years ahead. Whether it is through Masada or something else, I hope that you will keep the ideas of heritage, sacrifice, music and joy close to your heart throughout all of your life.

I love you,

DAD

Divine Valentines

Feeling very lucky to have these two girls....

Hope you all had a wonderful Valentine's Day, my love tank is very full.

Hugs and kisses to you and your loved ones.  
XOXO

Home Sweet Home

We are officially home as a family of four...let the adventure begin! You can see a bunch of photos of Carina's first week that I finally got loaded at: http://samanthaleebrantz.shutterfly.com/2127

Dave and his Brantz Girls 

Baby Bliss

Through emails, Facebook posts and word of mouth most of you know by now but our beautiful daughter Carina Jean Brantz arrived on Monday, February 7, 2011 at 8:09 am.  She weighed in at 7lbs 3 oz and is 19 inches long. 

She is beautiful and tiny with a head of dark hair and an adorable dimple like her Daddy.  Of course we can already tell that she has a very sweet temperament and is perfect in every way.  If I forgot, all the wonders of being a new mom came right back to me and I love to hold her, to stare at her and soak in all of her sweetness.

Samantha has been an amazing big sister.  She is gentle with Carina, is teaching her the ropes and giving her lots of love pats and kisses.  She continually comments on how cute Carina is and asks me how I'm doing with a - "Mom, are you feeling alright?".

The entire birth experience and c-section were night and day to what I went through last time and every day I keep saying how good I'm feeling.  Of course it is still surgery and I'm pretty worn out from a walk down the hall, but I am up and about and doing good.  My milk is in and we are off to a good start with the feeding as well.  Looks like we will be home by Friday and I'm looking forward to starting life with our family of four - I am feeling so incredibly blessed. 

When it Rains it Pours

I promise you I'm not a hypochondriac although lately I'm not sure what is going on. 

About a week ago when all of my contractions really started gearing up, Samantha came down with her first case of the stomach bug.  Poor thing, it seemed to last about 24 hours - she threw up all over me in the middle of the night but after a few days she seemed back to her old self and we assumed we were all in the clear.  

Yesterday it hit me.  Just when I thought that things couldn't get more uncomfortable than having contractions every few minutes, I was throwing up every few minutes with those contractions.  I really, really did not want to return to the hospital but I did call the doctor to make sure I wasn't putting the baby in harms way.  She reassured me that it should pass within 24 hours and truly, in the last few hours I have been feeling like I am going to survive.

Dave just arrived home early from work - the evil bug has caught him as well now. We just need to get this out of the way before Monday morning right? Wish us luck!  Hopefully I won't have anything more to report until Monday, and then it will be all fabulous news about our new baby girl!